I felt so fucking lost

Do you have a place you avoid? That place that summarizes everything you felt, thought about, hoped for and failed at?
I do.
Its my former college. I never quite found my place there, and through out my long mostly unnecessary years, I felt like an outcast. I remember feeling lost, at times paralyzed, inept. I was so unsure about my future, or if I even had one. Nothing made sense.
I went through a lot. I suppose a lot of it was part of growing up but everything seemed so difficult and i couldn't understand why it was happening to me.
Life, in a sense, was beating me up. It left me pretty banged up and though I am "older" and "wiser" I don't think I healed those wounds. I developed a sense of solitude, I lost that general sense of trust. Life swept the the rug from underneath my very feet, I am aware that the choices I made were solely mine to make, that does not lessen the sting I still feel.
I still remember the comments made, the false promises, that emptiness as I walked in and out of class every day carrying the books I never read that cost me more then i would earn in one week. I felt so fucking lost.
Its a dark night the rain pouring from above is cold as ice. As we walk back to the car, the frigid wind picks up and the rain smacks me on the face reminds me of I how felt not so long ago.

Still not so many years later, I'm still fucking lost.